


With sprinkles on top

by Brasspistol



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Drug Use, Gen, Marijuana, My little pony reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brasspistol/pseuds/Brasspistol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ruby has grown pot under granny's since she can remember. She's never accidentally given any to Mr. Gold before though. As the RMC on tumblr knows this is what we might call Stoned Gold</p>
            </blockquote>





	With sprinkles on top

**Author's Note:**

> Pot brownies are hilarious. Especially if there is no real harm done. I may do other scenes of stoned gold after this first story, there's just a lot of stuff I can't jam into the first bit. This first chapter is set before the curse is broken, I'd say sometime after 1.07 and before 1.14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out there's a section from a rough draft still in here? I'll fix that someday...

   Ruby had grown hydroponic pot underneath Granny's for as long as she could remember. She didn't have a field of green per-say, but it was enough for Storybrooke's citizens to get the munchies, and keep Ruby in shiny baubles and swanky boots. On days when Granny left early, or spent the day at the inn Ruby would dry out the fresh crop of bud, and bake a batch of special style brownies. While several people still came through the laundry room and bought dubs, or the occasional eighth, brownies proved to be a much more discreet way of getting the goods out. Anyone could just purchase a brownie in full purview of the other customers and be on their merry way without incident.

Ruby had a great system. Nearly fool-proof.

Nearly.

There had been the rare occurrence where a special brownie had ended up in the hands of an unsuspecting Granny's patron. While it had been entertaining to watch Ashley's Sean giggle his way through the day, it was a happy accident, one she'd hope not to repeat too often. Although she'd actually gotten some new business through the last mixup; Doctor Whale now bought two brownies a week.

It wasn't like she intended to spring pot on unsuspecting people, god forbid someone end up with a bad trip and get paranoid, but it happened. So it almost made sense that after a particularly large batch had been baked, someone would get the wrong kind of brownie in their doggie bag.

\---

Mr. Gold had a notorious sweet tooth, but usually preferred ice creamy treats to baked goods, but not today. Today as he walked into Granny's his eye were entranced the tower of brownies under a glass cake dome. These lucious brownies were thick and doused in a white chocolate drizzle and glittered salaciously with sugar sprinkles in gold and red. He broke his gaze and negotiated the rest of the floor with his ornate cane, and slid into his usual booth. His tongue tingled, he already knew what he was having.

"What can I get for you Mr. Gold?" Teeny asked, but didn't bother to pull out a pen, Mr. Gold had two orders. A rare hamburger deluxe with the french fries extra crispy or Earl Grey tea and a muffin. Mr. Gold was fairly terrifying so to see him eat fairly domestic choices reminded her he was just a man, just like most of her customers.

"Well dearie I'll have my usual tea, but do you think I could get one of those brownies to go?" Mr. Gold kept his voice at his normal shiver inducing level, but his eyes seemed fairly soft, as if the impending sweet over load had taken the edge off of him.

"No problem." She chirped and sped towards the kitchens. Her strawberry blonde pony tale bobbing as she went.

______________________________________________

"Ruby!" Teeny hissed. She looked like a humming bird about to have a heart attack.

"What?" Ruby responded in the same sotto vocae tone. Her eyes bright with mild annoyance.

"Mr. Gold wants a brownie, do you have anymore _plain_?" The petite waitress asked

"Of course, I made plain ones, all the ones in the front are _plain._ " Ruby rolled her eyes. She was a casual dealer, not an idiot.

"So I can just pack one of the iced ones and give it to Mr. Gold, okay, good." She seemed to relax for a second. "Wait a second! The plate of brownies that were back here... you didn't mean for me to ice _those_ and put them up front?"

Ruby's eyes seemed to grow rounder and capture a significant amount of light. "No. Why would I-- No!" She paced. "Why would you think that?!"

"I dunno, I just." Teeny paused. "They said _today's specia_ l on them and they didn't look that special."

"THAT WAS THE POINT, THEY WERE IN THE BACK LOOKING ORDINARY BUT THEY SAID SPECIAL, AS IF TO INDICATE SPECIAL INGREDIENTS" Ruby had her by the shoulders at this point.

"Well, what do we do?" She started vibrating again, wringing her hands in fear.

"Well where are the plain ones?" Ruby asked.

"Um," Teeny wilted.

"The actual plain ones" Ruby shook her again.

"They're gone, Mary Margaret bought the non-iced ones for someone's birthday." Teeny squeaked.

"Well thank god Mary Margaret didn't get the special batch" Ruby hissed.

"So what do we do now?" Teeny bit her thumb.

"We take them off the counter and you let me try to convince Mr. Gold that he wants anything other than that brownie." Ruby huffed.

"Okay, okay" Teeny squeaked. Her ponytail askew, wisps escaping at on angles. The full body redness slowly starting to dissapate. 

Ruby took a deep breath and sauntered towards Mr. Gold's booth. Her fringed skirt thwacking the back of other patrons' chairs. "Hello Mr. Gold, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you dearie, just waiting on me usual tea, and one of those lovely brownies." Mr. Gold pointed to Teeny whisking the cake dome through the kitchen doors.

"Oh, you don't want one of those." She waves them away dismissively. "We're actually taking them off the menu for the day, I think there might be something wrong with that batch."

"Oh? Are you sure dearie? I saw our good Dr. Whale buying two of them on my way in." His voice turned Stony and rumbled through Ruby in that moment.

"You saw that hmm?" Her voice was tight. "Well, they're really just a bit too sweet, new recipe, not quite what I thought they were going to be."

"I'm a fan of sweet Ruby. I'm not sure there is such a thing as too sweet." His last T sounded like a dagger in Ruby's ear.

"Oh, kay, sure." Ruby wasn't doing much in the way of hiding her emotions. She started to walk away.

"Oh, Ruby." Mr. Gold raised his voice slightly. "Why don't you just put one of those brownies on a plate for me, if I don't like it, then you'll know right now if they're a bad batch." He smiled, his gold tooth glinting in the afternoon sun.

"Sure." She she said, too cheerfully and made a quick retreat.

Teeny looked up at her with big hazel eyes. "How'd it go?"

Ruby growled, "Cut a brownie in half, put some whipped cream on the plate and pray it takes a while for it to hit his system.

Teeny made several tiny noises, but was already a blur through the doors.

______________________________________________________

Ruby walked began trekking back over to her landlord's booth. The distance seemed further than usual? Or maybe that was because she wasn't really moving, more like shuffling, baby stepping? 

"Hey sister you don't suppose there's a reason you're dragging those dogs?" Always observant, Leroy was making his way back to "his" stool when he saw Ruby doing her walk to the gallows impression.

"If I get caught I'll let you know." Ruby hissed as he passed her. Apparently that was the kick in the ass she needed, she shook herself and strode to booth.

"Here you are, Mr. Gold"

He ran a finger through the cream, and grinned.

Teeny watched for a moment, made a noise vaguely reminiscent of road runner and disappeared.

By the end Mr. Gold was practically licking the plate, running his index finger over the plate to attempt to pick up any stray sprinkles.

Ruby sauntered up to Mr. Gold's table. "Any good?" Ruby smiled tightly.

"Delicious." Gold seemed fairly enamored with the experience. "You know." He tapped his chin with his index finger. "I'll take one more large one for the road. I don't know what you were so worried about dearie, they seemed to have come out just fine." He said casually.

Ruby wasn't sure if she was stunned by his casual manner, or the praise, but it was leaving her near non verbal. "Thanks for being such a willing victim Mr. Gold." Was what she could manage as she wrote, and handed him his check.

_______________________________________

His drive home was uneventful. He thought he saw something, a few somethings, and perhaps Regina french kissing Sheriff Swan. And perhaps the orphans attacking Mother Superior, but it could just have been the light playing tricks on him.

After pulling into his driveway, he just sat in his car for awhile taking in his surroundings. Specifically, his house. "It's so, pink." He smiled to himself. He looked down at his foot, it itched, from his toes to his heal he loosened his laces and got out of the car. He wiggled his toes in his shoe, running them along the seam. After heaving himself out of the car he wobbled with his cane, but did finally make it up the stairs and into his house. He even managed to shut the door.

"Where's that other." He chewed his lip slightly. and dug into his pocket. "Oh there it is." And found the brownie in his coat pocket. He put the bag and the cane in one hand and tossed his coat in the direction of the rack.

He made his way to his arm chair and flopped down. The cane made a clatter as it fell and the brownie with it. "Blast, damg-it" He laughed at his mouth's lack of ability.

His head felt floaty, like he needed sudafed, but wasn't sick at all. He let out a giggle that was not human. He felt disconnected, spine swaying, toes tingling, he scrunched his nose as if he were a rabbit hoping for a carrot. He rubbed his toes along the seam of his sock again, fascinated by the prickling sweet sensation of scratching an itch.

As he sat letting various sensations roll through him, Mr. Gold found himself with a bit of dry mouth. finds himself in need of some fantastic tea. Gold hoists himself over the side of the chair and makes a grab for his cane. After several swipes he's triumphant. Gold looks at his feet, over each shoulder a few times feeling the sort of head rush that comes with his current experience. His feet weren't on board just yet, another exit from the chair had to be created. First Gold snapped his fingers and waited. "That's not gunna work is it?"

He sighed and starts leaning over the arm chair closest to the kitchen. He grunts with effort and throws his cane forward, and after a good deal of scrambling he lowers himself slowly to the ground. He managed a soft thud on his good side. He flopped around for his cane, eventually righted himself and wandered to the kitchen. With one shoe on one shoe off and he went to fill the kettle with water.

As Gold grabs the kettle from its place of honor on the counter he catches his reflection in the copper sheen of his well used kettle. He's smiling, and the gold tooth he usually doesn't think about almost glitters. The big grin and his hair that looked oddly like something he saw on a fashion magazine cover. It struck him as hilarious. He laughed long and loud until he was out of breath.

Mr. Gold waited for his tea to steep. Time felt as if it was passing differently, as if he'd been staring off into space for an hour, or maybe five minutes, he couldn't be sure. He was sort of warm, warmer than usual. It crossed his mind that this could be a touch of something, not that he would know. He couldn't remember being sick what it felt like, just in case, maybe he should leave someone a message. The not so good doctor would be sufficient since there was no magic to be seen in his current predicament.

His simple black cellphone looked the way all of Gold's belongings did, clean, well cared for and expensive looking. He clumsily tapped it's screen. He went through his contacts list twice before he Doctor Whale's name but he got there, and was able to make the call with minimal interference. He waited several rings, and just when he thought Whale had picked up he began talking. "Whale, I have a Whale of a-."

"Dr. Whale here, sorry I can't take your call. If you need me my office hours are 9:30 am to 4pm, but if this is an emergency please call 911. Please leave a message after the tone, thank you." His voicemail was utterly dull and resulted in Gold zoning out, staring at the patterns in the wallpaper border on the far wall.

A few long seconds of silence later Mr. Gold remembers what he was doing. "Oh right, Whale, so these are my symptoms: dry mouth, kinda floaty, hungry, a tiny bit dizzy..." He paused distracted by the vibrant pink tones in his kitchen. "Right, and I seem a bit floaty... What does that? Thanks Whale, call me when you get a chance."

Whale gets Gold's message when he gets back to his office after afternoon rounds. His feet up on his desk, his chair tipped back slightly. If it were any later in the day he'd loosen his tie, but it wasn't even four yet so on it would stay. He grumbled slightly. He rolled his shoulders as he listened to Gold ramble and still manage to be curt. Good old THC, Ruby really needed to perfect her distribution system. He texted her.

_Hey Cheech,_

_Did Gold get into your bud brownies? You may want to check on him._

_-W_

 

Ruby had taken off the second Granny came in to the diner. Around four, letting Ruby off the hook for the dinner shift, and freeing her to visit her new “customer”.

"Mr. Gold?" Ruby already has the door open but she's knocking anyway. It's the respectful thing to do.

She doesn't get an answer so she walks into the house, her purse on her shoulder and Gold's lone shoe in hand, it had been on the steps, carelessly forgotten, the door unlocked and not closed properly.

Ruby finds Gold in front of an understated, and probably shockingly expensive television set, sitting on the floor with a few ornate decorative pillows.

"Ruby, Ruby red, with all her shiny...ness, did you know they made shows this colorful?"

"I haven't watched them in a while" She fiddled with a stripe of red hair.

"Well then dearie, sit by me, we'll watch some ponies, they're right colorful, I would make some talking blue ponies if I could. Maybe I can."

They sit on the floor and watch cartoons. Gold laughed out loud several times as they watched at least two episodes. He sipped his tea which must have been cold from the faces he would make as he sipped.

“Ruby, I'm terribly sleepy. I think perhaps a nap is in order. Aren't naps grand?

“Yes Mr. Gold, they're particularly good after having a pot brownie.” She held her breath and waited for a reaction from him.

“Is that why I feel so strange?” he asked as he scrambled onto the couch.

“Yes, and I'm sorry Mr. Gold it was an accident.” Ruby felt her heart in her throat.

“It's okay, it's a good strange Ruby Red. Just don't surprise a bloke like that again.” He yawned. Obviously more tired than anything else. When Mr. Gold was sober there might be a bit more of a discussion, but for now his acceptance was good enough. She left Gold as he got comfortable on his couch. She filled up a large glass of water and placed it on a small table next to the couch.

“Mr. Gold?”

“Mrhhhmm?” Mr. Gold answered, his eyes shut and refusing to open.

“I got you a glass of water, you're going to be fine, you may not want to eat the rest of the brownie though.” Ruby said quietly.

“This was fun though, may want to watch cartoons again you know.” Mr. Gold said sleepily.

Ruby bit back a giggle and nodded. “Well you may want to have a little more food in your stomach to slow the reaction, or-.”

Ruby was cut off by a light snoring. “I guess I'll just leave you a note with some instructions.” she almost murmured she said it so quietly.

 

_Dear Mr. Gold,_

_Sorry again about the mix-up at the diner. You'll probably be very hungry when you wake up, I'll run a burger and fries over if you need it. Have a nice trip._

_-Ruby._


End file.
